| Lonestar Restaurant, Chullora
I will go to the ends of the earth for a good burger. Travelling to Lonestar, Chullora, meant taking this vow quite literally. Going to the ends of the earth, that is, not the "good burger" part. Chullora is an industrial wasteland, part of the sprawling exurban region of Sydney's West. It is also the heartland for Lonestar's consumer base, the type of people for whom plastic, cowboy boots and plastic, buffalo heads on the walls connote cultural authenticity.
Lonestar, Chullora, is located along a particularly scenic stretch of Roberts Road and is positioned unusually (some might say, unwisely) beside a McDonalds Restaurant. Given the large number of trucks in the vicinity and the isolation of the location, we deduced that the restaurant earned most of its passing business from truckers. And we all had a vague fear of entering the restaurant through a set of saloon doors and being stared down by dozens of undernourished, underpayed and underwashed truck-drivers. The reality was even worse. When we entered, we realised with dread that Lonestar is a family restaurant.
That is the first problem with Lonestar (after, of course, the location). Lonestar tries to recreate a Texan Roadhouse ambience, and, by ambience, read "upbeat country music" and "neon beer signs." In fact, the minds behind Lonestar have purged the Texan Roadhouse of all its authentically essential qualities (or so I imagine): its seedy customers, its tarty waitresses, its threat of immanent danger, its barfights, its barflies. Lonestar recreates a tame version of the Wild West, where the customer's greatest danger is food-poisoning. That, and the "upbeat country music."
Initially, we were attended to by a waitress who looked seriously depressed. About halfway through the meal, we all figured out why. According to the restaurant's website: "The staff join in the fun when they perform their own Lone Star style of line dancing during the evenings." Apparently this "unique feature" enhances the "casual dining experience and establishes a distinct identity for the Lone Star concept." I love it how the website construes the staff's forced participation in the line dancing as "joining in the fun", when the ritual really hinges on their utter humiliation. Fair enough, I can enjoy a laugh at somebody else's expense just as much as the next person. The problem, though, is that it makes everybody but very, very young kids (and the particularly sadistic) incredibly uncomfortable. Billy put it best: "I don't see how anybody could possibly enjoy this."
But, of course, the reason we came was for the food, and, in particular, for the burgers. Tim Armitage placed his reputation on the line for the sake of the burgers. Well, I have to say that my burger was mediocre at best. A pet hate of mine is being served an open burger. Why do they do this? So I can have the pleasure of putting my burger together on site? It seems almost as pointless as those restaurants where you cook your own steak. On the plus side, the burger had a couple of good slices of bacon and a fair slice of cheese. I rated the chips very highly. They were a cross between wedges and spicy-shaker fries at McDonalds (what ever happened to those?). A selection of sauces was available and the ranch bbq sauce was strong and tangy. Minuses included the dryness of the burger bun (although not as bad as the stale one I was served at the Hogsbreath Cafe), the fairly small portion, and the ludicrous price (I always assumed things got cheaper the further West you went).
Overall, I was dissatisfied. But then again the company made the night as it always does. I would rate Lone Star somewhere between the appalling lows of the Hogsbreath Cafe and the towering heights of Ribs and Rumps: firmly in the territory of mediocrity.
So these are the ratings out of 5 stars:
Service: **
Ambience: *
Food: **
Overall: ** (two stars)
This is the first in a planned series of burger reviews. My goal is to find Sydney's, possibly the world's, best burger. Any restaurant, or even fast food, suggestions would be welcomed. |
